the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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