btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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