They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize