This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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