you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
