I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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