the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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