MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
