shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
