Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
