let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
