I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
