pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
