her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
