Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
