i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
