what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
