I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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