why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
