I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize