I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
