Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
