I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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