Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
