in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
