i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
