Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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