even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
