Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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