I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
