Already got asked if we're dating
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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