Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
