Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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