Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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