just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
