Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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