So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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