thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
