I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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