Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You ate ashes out of my bong
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
