You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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