Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
