I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
