Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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