I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
