it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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