I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
