im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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