Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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