Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
