I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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