i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
