I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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