Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
