i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
