He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
