4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
