Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
