Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
