Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
