Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
