He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
