I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
