it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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