Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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