So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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