Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
