i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
