There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You pole danced in your parka.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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