Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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