did you get engaged???
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
