Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
