She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All the doctor said was why
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
