i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
