As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
