maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
