Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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