Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
