Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize