I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So vagazzling was a success
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
