I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
