Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
